Town Beach, looking toward the Clay Head Bluffs
BLOCK ISLAND, RI July 15, 2008Tuesday Journal Entry: One Year Anniversary Today marks the one year anniversary of the Memorial Service at St. James Church for my best buddy of the past six years, Paula. However, I feel her strong nudging not to dwell on that fact. It has been three years since I've been to Block Island. Paula and I came on the high speed ferry (first time on high speed for both of us) in July 2005. We came on foot. I would have preferred to take my mountain bike. But she didn't ride. (Not bikes, anyway!! :) ) So, anyway, we had a good time and all that. Came for the Fourth of July parade. Last time I will ever make THAT pilgrimmage. There were a lot of kids, crowds, party-ers. Not my kind of crowd, not anymore. We walked to New Harbor after lunch. Quite a long walk, actually. I remember we had to stop several times along the way and sit on the nearby stone walls, roadside. I massaged her back and shoulders often that day as we stopped. Seemed she was having aches and pains, but she never complained. Instead, she would be grouchy and pick on me. She never meant anything by it, though. I know that now. We hung out on the deck of the Narragansett Inn for quite some time, overlooking the small, still harbor. I wasn't happy to be there at the time. It was too quiet and still for me. She did see some "erstwhile" ghosts in the lobby, though. Can't remember too well how she described them, but I think that one particular woman was trying very hard to tell her something. In the bathroom!
Pilot Hill Road, Block Island, RI (July 2008)
So, anyway, I wasn't glad to be here, without my mountain bike, sitting on the deserted deck of the Narragansett at the time. But I am so glad I spent time with "my girl" here on Block Island now. She didn't have much time left, but spent the last six years of her life here on earth with me. I feel here the way I felt when I was with her in her home in New London. The place was kept unkempt, topsy-turvy. But once you were there, you didn't want to leave. Her presence in the house was light, warmth, sun, coffee. All accepting. Non judgemental. The most calm, tranquil, peaceful light. Very, very calm. Tranquil. Non judgemental. All accepting. Earth Mother.
Southeast Light, Block Island, RI (July 2008)
It's the way I feel here now. The island is kind, gentle, affable. A light, cool breeze wafts along the plains here in the back of the Rose Farm Inn. HIgh on the hill. It's the way I feel even in my room at the Harborside, overlooking the rooftop, across the street from the ferry depot. Even amidst the caucaphony, throngs of people in town, I still feel the light. Denise Block Island, RI Journal Entry: "I Think I Can!" July 16, 2008 Wednesday I accomplished what I came to accomplish. I hadn't ridden my mountain bike in, oh...nine or ten years. I'd been depressed all my life. It came out after I graduated high school. When I couldn't decide what to DO with my life. I did community college. Four years. Part time. All to earn a two-year degree in Liberal Arts. I went on to graduate from a four-year stte university with a degree in English. The cause of all my problems. You have a college degree. It's not in anything specific, really. It over qualifies you for most jobs. It doesn't train you to do anything specific. My parents were right. Shoulda majored in Business. They would have paid for it. Maybe I wouldn't have had to work part time which felt like full time -- all of those years to pay for my college education to major in the field I wanted -- all to constantly fall back on my grocery store experience -- at one point even bagging groceries for a living!! All because I didn't listen to my parents. Well, anyway, the point of this journal entry. I feel I entered into a tunnel of darkness when I met my friend at a small dance studio in Connecticut, after having moved back in with my parents at the age of "Thirty Something." I'd been living back home with my parents for quite some time. I had just won "free" dance lessons from this studio. One "free" lesson and I was hooked. And then I met my acquaintance. Right off the bat, I knew there was something wrong. Dark hair, jet black, glasses. It appeared as if something were broken. As if he were broken. As if I could see it through the reflection of his glasses. Broken. Shattered glass. We always attended the same group lessons. He started to act kind towards me. I thought we knew each other. Even after he asked me out and we had several dates, there was never any of that "chemistry" between us. Anyway, so here it is, about nine or ten years later. I tried medication and therapy for Depression at his suggestion, but none of that really helped me that much at all. (Well, maybe just the Zoloft, a bit!!) So now here it is, nine or ten years later. Hadn't ridden my mountain bike, Trek, in about that long. And suddenly, I found myself here on Block Island, Summer of 2008!! I accomplished what I came here to accomplish. I got back on my "horsey." I rode my mountain bike, which had been relegated to the basement storage area in my rented condo the past 8 years. I walked it uphill to Beach Rose Bicycles on Monday, July 14. Got the tires pumped. Got back in the saddle! Got my "sea legs" back!